8 Year Soberversary

Theme music:

Summary of the last two years:

• Career flourishing
• Struggled with injuries and chronic pain
• Health finally seems to be trending up

Years 7 & 8:  Moar Roller Coaster

Health

Over the last couple of years I've spent time on and off the bike.  The knee got better, then I started working with a coach.  I got really fit, but by the time I reinjured my knee and had to get back off the bike I had also given myself a case of Sciatica and lower back pain.  For months I couldn't sleep for more than 4 hours at a time, and I was sleeping on a yoga mat.  Having sleep dictated by pain and fatigue battle for top spot is. not. fun.  It wears you down.

Looking back, the knee (re)injury was probably a gift because it forced me to stop before I made things worse.   For years I had taken it as an article of faith that cycling was the cornerstone habit that drove my trajectory. I could easily write a book's worth of material laying out the case for this.

Yet, somehow my obsession with progression and improving my fitness led me to a dark place of pain and chronic injury, so clearly something went wrong.  Was it the same psychology that led me to the depths of chronic drinking so many years ago?  I believe the answer is yes.  

So what went wrong? 

 Man, I get tunnel vision *really bad* when I want something.  That's mostly an asset, but in this case, it became a liability.  There wasn't enough rest, recovery, self-care.  I beat myself down into a state of nervous exhaustion and that's when my body started breaking.  Damn it, I should have known better.  I did know better!  But I was chasing a number, and it was so close.  300 watts for an hour.  300 watts and I would stop.

My body gave me the finger at 292 watts.

I had knee surgery in August of 2019.  The surgeon repaired the meniscus and cleaned out some loose tissue, and found that I had arthritis.   It's taken a lot longer to heal from knee surgery than I expected but it's definitely a lot better.  Obviously, there's no fix for the arthritis, only management.

Re: sciatica.  I still can't sit on a chair without literal pain in my ass after a couple of hours.  I wrap a towel around a 2" piece of PVC pipe and sit on that which takes pressure away from the nerve.  I do rehab it daily and it's slowly improving.

Re: lower back.  This is the scariest one.  Back injections have been ineffective.  I was told spinal fusion would probably not help.  What does help mobility and strengthening exercises.  It has gotten better but the experts tell me the overall trend on these is always downward.  That's going to be a yikes from me.  For now, it's manageable and I'm thankful for that.  

Now that my health is a limiter, the days of chasing numbers on a bicycle are done.  That means refactoring my relationship with the bicycle, and perhaps my approach to life in general.  I'm feeling my way through it.

Travel

In 2019 I went to Mallorca, Spain for a week, and then northern Italy for nearly a month.  The Italy trip in particular was incredible.  Venice blew my mind and I've developed a mild obsession with it.  Riding in the Alps on the Swiss border was amazing and I want to experience a whole lot more of that!

 

Venice Canal shot

Caroline and I

first climb in the Alps (This is Canaco)

High Altitude Sufferface

The iconic Passo Dello Stelvio

Lake Garda from the top of Monte Baldo

Climbing Monte Baldo

Career

In August of 2019 I accepted a job working for literally the best company in the world.  After having seen my fair share of corporate malfeasance up close and from a distance over the years, I had little to no trust that large businesses would look out for the well-being of the workers.  However, there are industries where attracting the best talent is a key ingredient, and these companies are incentivized to treat the workforce well.

So yeah. It's been amazing.  I've never worked somewhere that gives its employees practically unlimited resources for professional development.  I'm definitely a small fish in a big pond now and I've got a few years of open space to grow.  Exciting times.  Sometimes I want to pinch myself and make sure it's real.

Education

At the beginning of the year, I enrolled in a Cybersecurity Bachelor's program at Western Governor's University and I just completed term 1.  I put all the math courses in the first term and took the pain :). 

Covid - the elephant in the room

Yup, it's pretty much sucked.  I was extremely upset at first because I did the math when the initial modeling came out, and it was obvious that there's going to be a lot of death and suffering.  People have been overly optimistic and treating like it's some kind of political thing and not an existential threat for millions of people.  It's weird and confusing and it makes me angry sometimes.

I've found my feet and try not to get too distracted.

Status of the quit:

I think it says something that I forgot to celebrate my soberversary two years in a row.

In summary:

• I don't think about drinking
• I don't think about the quit
• I don't care about other people's drinking unless it's hurting the people around them
•  I fully trust myself to take on hard shit and not give up.

Best wishes, and may you care for yourself with ease.

Relentlessly moving forward, 

-s