Survival never goes out of style.

If you could save yourself,
you could save us all.
Go on living, prove us wrong.
Your leap of faith could be a well-timed smile.
Survival never goes out of style.

Editor's note:  playing video at high volume while reading blog entry recommended.

One year.  Three hundred and sixty five fucking days.

Lost: 77 lbs

Resting heart rate: 48bpm

Ridden:  5,796 miles on my $600.00 entry level road bike.

Diet: completely overhauled

Possessions:  most of the excess crap sold off.

The beach house:  Fond memories but it was time to move on.

Debt:  Paid off 

Established a semblance of a relationship with my brother

Lost my woman; got her back again

That's what sits between me and my last hangover.

I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a thinking problem.

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As children, adolescents and young adults, people are taught learn and develop a set of strategies or 'tools' for coping with life.  Mine were woefully inadequate   Life dealt me a couple of shitty hands and I didn't know how to care for myself.  My tool of choice when the shit hit the fan was to numb myself with alcohol.

I'm fortunate that things broke down, that I broke down, and that I was forced to develop some better strategies for coping with life.  It's been the best thing that ever could have happened to me.

The first year of this blog is my gift to you.  It is a living testament to the fact that if your life sucks you can change it.  It's not easy in the beginning, but if I can do it you can too.  It's worth it. The world becomes a much bigger and more interesting place when you stop running from your problems.

Life is an amazing and precious thing.  Strange how lightly we treat this irreplaceable, matchless gift.  Like playing football with a Ming vase.

So stop fucking around and take control of your life right now.  Don't waste another moment.  Seize the day.

Be well and I'll chat with you again soon.

-s<

Looking at the crest of the hill

Well, this last month has been like a country music song.

My dog Rell, my best friend, was struck and killed by a hit and run driver  She died in my arms.  I miss her.

Not too long after that I was surfing and suffered a neck stinger.  I felt it in my back but it turns out it's a neck thing.  I gutted it out and did a century ride on the bike I was planning and basically was bedridden for two weeks after that.  I'm recovering now, can sit upright, but it's still pretty tender and may take a while to heal.

Needless to say the big hero trip to Indonesia I was planning for May/June of this year is not happening.  I was pretty devastated at first.  I worked very hard to get to this point, and to fall short of the goal is a bitter pill to swallow.

My work situation is weird.  As I have gotten healthy mentally and physically I could see I was involved in a really unhealthy and dysfunctional situation, and trying to stay involved with it was a very bad idea.  fortunately someone has popped up to take my place and I don't feel the least bit regretful about moving on other than complications with making sure my brother lands on his feet, which I am actively working to address.

The good news is I am officially debt free.  Selling off all my extra crap and moving into a much humbler living situation has served me well and I was able to dig myself out quickly.  Great feeling.

I've also got my diet fully sorted.  I don't eat compulsively at all any more.  It's wonderful.  The blood sugar crazy train is a thing of the past.

I have hacked away all the withered old growth, the dead branches, the BS, have freed myself. I can choose. And I will choose wisely, always keeping my long term objectives top of mind, not distracted by short term tactical concerns or a need to please others.

I wake up every morning with a calm clear mind and sense of well being I have never experienced in my entire life.  I'm cool with just being me.  I have nothing to prove to anyone, and there is nothing about me that needs fixing.  I'm just....Steve.