The first six months of my second life

I will tell you I am fine
I got some news, friend, feels like I'm dying
turtle on its back in the desert sea
and you look like a cool drink
just slightly out of reach
draw myself into the shell
waiting on a sign from god
or a nod from hell
and it's so nice
sitting very still
without those old shoes
I could never fill
now we're turning on the lights
it's the first day of my second life
take my name off of the lease
you can even keep the name it never suited me

May 30, 2012.  The first day of my second life.

• Weight: 244lbs
• Severe case of asthma from smoking
• Making good money but living from paycheck to paycheck
• Disconnected from my live-in girlfriend, only paying attention to her when I wanted something.  She was in the process of moving out.
• Idea of fun: going to bars and getting wasted, taking a cab home.
• A lot of embarrassing behavior

I was not a well person.  I was in fact quite sick.

December 5, 2012

• Weight: 184lbs
• No cigarettes in 7 months
• No alcohol in 6 months
• Watch the sunrise on the beach every day
• Ride my bicycle 26 miles a day, rain or shine, 6 days a week
• Eat well every day
• get a good nights rest, every day
• Learned how to actually connect and communicate with people on their terms instead of trying to cherry pick what I want from them.
• Learned that emotions will not harm me.  It's ok to feel them, important in fact, even and especially when they hurt.  Hiding from them, suppressing them, only causes them to fester and make my thinking distorted over time.
• Spent a lot of time decluttering my life.  process nearly completed. Ready to move into a small humble space where I can live lightly and save my money.
• Ex girlfriend may in fact give me a second chance, something which almost never happens in this society of disposable friends and lovers.  She's a heck of woman and I'm humbled.

Six months ago, I was an unhealthy man who lived in a very small world as running from my problems decreased my field of view until it was not much more than packs of cigarettes and Vodka and Cranberries.  I have picked myself up off the mat, faced my demons, rid my life of wasteful excesses and baggage, and I continue onward, living my second life.